Prior to starting a conversation, it may be useful to look for common ground themes and subjects. A good way to start a conversation may be talking about whether a TV program you both like, football and other sports you both enjoy playing, or a hobby you both have. The conversation may flow easily and effortlessly when you start discussing something you both enjoy. When in doubt about how to follow the conversation, just listen and be there for them, avoiding any defensive response whenever possible.
Tips for Effective Communication
Open-Ended Questions: Close questions are those that can be answered with a monosyllable like yes, no, fine. Instead, use open questions like: What is the most interesting subject at school? Who are your favourite teachers and what do you think are their strengths? Do you think teachers at your school enjoy the lessons? These kinds of questions require a more elaborate answer, offering an opinion and showing how they think about different subjects and their world.
When in doubt about how to follow the conversation, just listen and be there for them, avoiding any defensive response whenever possible
Dr Emma Allende
Listening and Empathy: Once they start talking, try to resist the urge of offering unsolicited advice. Offer a safe and empathetic environment for them to share their concerns without feeling the fear of being judged.
Casual Settings: It is easier to start talking to your adolescent if you make it casual and not the main situation. For example, ask them something while you are doing the dishes, making the bed, or cleaning around. This way, they do not feel like the centre of attention, which may diminish the impact of perceiving a parent wanting to intrude in the adolescent’s private life. Try not to make eye contact at the very beginning of the conversation to avoid them feeling as if they are the target of an interrogation. This way, it will not be as hard for them to open up to a dialogue with you.
Natural Environments: A good place to start a conversation is the family car when you both are alone, as you do not make direct eye contact. A walk in the park or any natural environment helps to feel calmer and more relaxed, easing up the conversation.
Short and Frequent Conversations: Start with short frequent conversations. Do not get discouraged if they cut the conversation and leave. Just wait for another time and gradually the conversations will become deeper and longer.
Personal Sharing
Sharing some emotional difficulties or problems you had as an adolescent may help to bond with your teen. Make it okay not to be okay, not being in the mood, or not wanting to engage in conversation. Ask them to help you with anything they master, like technology, for instance, and thank them. Make them feel they have made a real difference in your life by helping you.
Starting a conversation with your teenager can seem difficult at the beginning, but by letting them know that you are there for them… the barriers will come down
Dr Emma Allende
Starting a conversation with your teenager can seem difficult at the beginning, but by letting them know that you are there for them, that sometimes it is not easy to connect with each other, but you love them and you will always be there for them, the barriers will come down and will ease the relationship you have with your adolescent.
