As a parent of a teenager, you may wonder what has happened to your little angel who suddenly seems to challenge and disrespect you. When did they change? Why do they challenge you? Is this the end of your authority as a parent? Can they now go without your supervision? Can they attend parties and have romantic relationships? Should you stop them?
Understanding the Shift in Dynamics
As adolescents become more independent, they dislike having rules placed upon them, feeling their freedom is being limited. Therefore, they push and test the boundaries parents apply to them. Teens tend to rebel against parental rules more than against their parents. They have discovered that you do not have all the answers, but they still want to have you close and supporting them.
Why is My Teen Challenging Me?
The main reason is that as they gradually detach from the family nest, they test their parents’ authority. There are many triggers for this, including stress, peer pressure, and the inability to control emotions influenced by hormonal changes. Adolescents may notice that parents become inconsistent in their approach or treat siblings differently. They may also decide to try ideas of their own to demonstrate to the world that they can think independently.
Respecting your adolescent’s ideas, even when you disagree, helps maintain a positive relationship. Our job as parents is raising children to become well-rounded, independent, confident adults, able to make well-informed decisions
Dr Emma Allende
Parental Reactions and Strategies
Common Parental Reactions:
- Imposing Authority: “Do it because I say so!” This approach can lead to resistance and pushback from teens.
- Giving Up: Letting adolescents do as they please, resulting in a lack of guidance.
- Micromanaging: Over-involvement in their decisions, hindering their independence.
- Informational Approach: Treating teens like students by providing research and evidence to justify rules.
Effective Strategies for Parents:
- Respect Their Ideas: Offer respect to your adolescent children despite disagreements and take their ideas into account.
- Allow Decision-Making: Let them make decisions when you feel they are ready, teaching responsibility and boosting their confidence.
- Acknowledge Efforts: Recognize their efforts to prevent over-sensitivity.
- Avoid Excessive Criticism: Offer empathy and understanding instead of criticism.
- Engage in Open Dialogue: Let them share their opinions first and then provide yours, allowing room for negotiation.
- Balance Freedom and Guidance: Aim for a balance that promotes growth while maintaining responsibility and respect.
- Express Unconditional Love: Ensure they know they are loved, even when you disagree with their behavior.
