Teens tend to rebel against parental rules more than rebelling against their parents. They have discovered that you do not have all the answers for everything, but they still want to have you close and supporting them.
As a parent of a teen, you may wonder what has happened to your little angel who, out of the blue, has disrespected you. When did they change? Why do they challenge you? Is this the end of your authority as a parent? Can they now go without your supervision? Can they go to parties and have romantic relationships? Should you stop them? As adolescents become more independent, they do not like having rules placed upon them as they feel their freedom is being limited. Therefore, they push and test the boundaries parents apply to them.
Why Is My Teen Challenging Me?
The main reason is that as they gradually detach from the family nest, they test the parents’ authority. There are many triggers for this: stress, peer pressure, and the inability to control emotions influenced by hormonal changes. Adolescents may notice that parents become inconsistent in their approach or that they treat siblings differently.
On the other hand, teens may decide to try ideas of their own, just to make a stand to demonstrate to the world that they can think separately from their parents. Mixing with different peers, changing schools, or knowing other ways of thinking besides their own family values can make them question their own values and boundaries.
Challenging parental authority is part of human development; it is also the consequence of the independent brain maturing towards adulthood
Dr Emma Allende
Parental Reactions
Parents can react in different ways to this behaviour:
- Imposing Authority: “Do it because I say so!” Many adolescents do not like this approach and can become more resistant, pushing back boundaries to create more room for their independence.
- Giving Up: Some parents let adolescents do as they please.
- Micromanaging: Other parents micromanage their teens even in situations where they can be responsible themselves.
- Educator Approach: Some parents treat adolescents as pupils in a class instead of family, providing information and evidence about how teens should or should not behave.
Offer respect to your adolescent children, even if you do not agree with their thinking. Take their ideas into account
Dr Emma Allende
What Can Parents Do?
- Offer respect to your adolescent children, even if you do not agree with their thinking. Take their ideas into account.
- Allow them to make decisions by themselves when they are ready. This teaches responsibility and reassures them that they are evolving.
- Acknowledge their efforts to prevent them from becoming overly sensitive to criticism.
- Avoid excessive criticism. Offer empathy and understanding of their different perspectives.
- Let them share their opinions first, then offer your own, allowing room for negotiation and providing multiple choices.
- Aim for a balance between freedom and guidance, allowing room for growth while maintaining a sense of responsibility and respect.
- Always remind them that you love them, even if you do not agree with their behaviour at times.
Remember that they need to feel loved and free to share things with you without feeling that the parent-adolescent relationship is threatened.
