People who are content with themselves do not feel the need to bully others. Bullying is often a projection of one’s own inadequacies and frustrations.
Bullying at school can manifest in various forms:
- Physical (pushing, hitting, punching)
- Verbal (insulting, spreading false rumours, isolating an adolescent, teasing)
- Psychological (manipulation, threatening, gossiping, excluding adolescents from the group, making them cry)
Identifying if your teenager is a bully
- Does your teen like to control others?
- Is your teen selfish and jealous?
- Does your teen have poor social skills and find it difficult to relate to peers?
- Does your teen pick on other teens that are different from them?
- Does your teen not care about others?
- Does your teen lack empathy and feel no remorse?
- Is your teen insecure and feels the need to bully others to feel better about themselves?
- Does your teen struggle with feeling guilty or showing compassion?
- Does your teen feel good when seeing others being put down?
Reasons why adolescents may become bullies
- To cope with stress by projecting inadequacies and frustration onto others.
- To fit in with a group of popular teenagers who are also bullies.
- To gain attention.
- Due to a lack of respect from others.
- Because they have been bullied themselves.
- To show power or comply with peer pressure.
- Out of fear or envy.
- Due to a lack of empathy.
Having supportive and positive friendships can make all the difference to how you adapt to the new school or how teenagers go through the years of adolescence
Dr Emma Allende
Signs your adolescent is being bullied
- Shy, obese, quiet, or appear unable to defend themselves.
- Adolescents who keep to themselves or have an illness or disability.
- Refusing to go to school or extracurricular activities.
- Low self-esteem, unexplained bruises or wounds.
- Withdrawing from conversations, losing mobile phones and other belongings.
- Struggling to sleep or eat.
- Crying spells, anger outbursts, feeling empty, and overreacting to situations.
How parents can help
- Promote healthy family relationships: Look at family dynamics and ensure a healthy relationship among family members.
- Be open to listening: Adolescents mimic values and behaviours they see at home.
- Understand bullying vs fighting: Bullying involves an imbalance of power, unlike fighting where strength levels are equal.
- Address bullying signs at home: Monitor arguments or conflicts, and be aware of what films, video games, and social media your teens are exposed to.
- Observe sibling relationships: Ensure inclusivity in games and activities.
- Dedicate time to listen: It can be difficult for adolescents to share their experiences, and they may fear further bullying if they speak up.
When parents are informed about bullying
- If another parent contacts you: Liaise with the school to clarify matters.
- If the school contacts you: Stay calm, recognize the problem, and find out if your adolescent is also being bullied. Meaningful consequences are better than straight punishment.
Encouraging your adolescent
- Ensure they are accompanied and avoid isolation.
- Discuss good friendship behaviours.
- Ask your adolescent about their day to understand the good and bad experiences they encounter at school.
