University is an opportunity to make new and lasting friendships and have new experiences in a different environment. However, adolescents may not always share the whole truth about their university experience with their parents, even when they are struggling. This can be a matter of concern, especially regarding issues like alcohol, illicit drugs, romantic partners, and academic pressure.
Children come into this world through their mothers, creating a strong bond between mother and child for the rest of their lives. Fathers contribute with their love to the good education, physical, and emotional development of their children, supporting their mothers. The longer parents spend time with their children in their early years, the stronger the bond. Life moves quickly, and suddenly, children are old enough to fly the nest and move to university. Parents then fear that the bond they have with their lovely children will vanish.
Parents are there to support and guide them, giving them skills to survive and enjoy the world. Due to this strong bond between parents and children, when children become adolescents and are ready to fly from the nest, parents may struggle with the transition.
The Transition to University
It seems like yesterday when you drove them to their primary school or looked at toddler pictures, and now they are leaving the nest. Moving out of the house and going to university is part of the process of becoming adults. Thanks to mobile phones, distance is not an issue anymore, and parents can stay close to their children while at university without imposing themselves in their adolescents’ lives.
Parents want to see their children flourishing at university academically and personally, becoming more independent and confident. Adolescents may experience moments of solitude despite being surrounded by many peers, leading to homesickness and longing for the comfort of home. Social anxiety and the feeling of not fitting in can be paralysing, impeding their progress. Financial concerns, such as paying for university accommodation and course fees, can also cause stress for parents.
Tips for Parents
- Take Care of Yourself: As parents transition to having more time for themselves, it is crucial to prioritise self-care. Develop a strong social support network that may not have been possible in the past due to job and family demands.
- Engage in Community Activities: Join local groups, charities, the Women’s Institute, The Walk and Talk movement, choirs, or cooking classes. Sharing experiences with other parents can be incredibly supportive.
- Rediscover Hobbies: Rediscover old hobbies or learn new skills. Local colleges often offer free or reduced-price courses.
- Teach Life Skills: Teach your children basic cooking skills and budgeting before they leave for university, ensuring they are well-prepared for independent living.
- Volunteer: Consider becoming a volunteer in your community.
- Emotional Support: Pets, especially dogs, can provide great emotional support during this time.
- Stay Connected: Remind your children that you are always there for them, even when they are at university. Be involved in their aspirations and offer guidance when needed.
- Seek Support: If you have serious concerns about your adolescent at university, do not hesitate to contact the university for support.
Teach your children basic cooking skills and budgeting before they leave for university, ensuring they are well-prepared for independent living.
Dr Emma Allende
Personal growth
Parents can dedicate themselves to personal growth while supporting their children from a distance. Being proud of their achievements and staying open to guide them whenever required ensures that they will always need you. If concerns about your adolescent at university arise, reach out to the university for assistance.
